Guitar &c.

Last weekend I was writing an article for the local guitar society newsletter. Production schedules being what they are, I was writing for the January issue on the somewhat unsurprising topic of “New Year’s Resolutions”. The gist of my article was that important resolutions rarely get accomplished in one grand gesture, but rather in lots of little increments of trial and error, some setbacks, and many incremental successes. Here’s how I summarized the process:

Each month, I’d notice something new about what happened when I was playing…Each time I’d ask myself the same questions: what went well – do that again; what went poorly – try something different next time.

That same weekend, I played a small concert. Not a big or important event by anyone else’s standards, but significant to me. As people naturally do, folks asked afterwards how I felt the performance went. This is the part where I decide whether I’m going to actually live by my own advice. Do I answer that things went better in practice and I’m a little disappointed that the performance didn’t’ flow as smoothly as I’d hoped, OR do I answer that there were a couple moments that surpassed my expectations and this was probably one of my best performances ever.

The challenge is that both of these answers are true and important. Over time, though, I’ve learned that one answer is private and one is public. The private answer is that things almost always go better for me in practice. I usually have more focus and achieve better musical flow without the anxiety of an audience and the tiny surprises that crop up in any performance. The private answer is that these are exactly the things I need to work on to improve for the next round.

The first part of the question I’m supposed to ask myself, though, is “what went well”. This is part of the public answer. People were gracious enough to show up, give me an hour out of their days, and listen with focused attention. They came to enjoy a special, unique experience. My job as a performer is to provide that, not just through the notes I play, but by the environment I create through my demeanor, my attire, and my words before, during, and after the performance.

So when someone asks how I felt about the performance, I search for something honest that I can share with them. In this case, here’s some of the things I noticed: the guitar sounded especially nice in the performance space, I was really pleased with how the second Tarrega piece went, I always really enjoy playing the Brouwer, I was energized by how focused and attentive the audience was. These answers help people to know that they shared in, and helped create, something that was very special for me. Something that I hope was special for them as well.

For the longest time, I neglected to ask or answer, the “what went well” part of the question. I’ll definitely think about “what went poorly” and what could be improved as I practice over the next few weeks; I certainly expect to have a great conversation about this at my next lesson. For now, though, I’m working to carry forward the small successes and nourish them. They’re a tremendous source of encouragement and energy as I work through the details of all the things that need refinement and polish for next round.